When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
