3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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