I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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