you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
