In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
