First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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