brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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