PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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