I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
