i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
