ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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