At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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