You smell like a Billy Joel song
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
