i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
