She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
