OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
