I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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