Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
