i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
