he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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