weddingsv make me drug and hornr
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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