Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
