Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
