your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Enjoy the penises
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
