Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
