Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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