STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
