I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
