I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
