found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
