Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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