I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
