your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
