it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
