I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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