Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
