Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
