She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
