i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
