I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
