you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
