Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
