farters have to be the big spoon...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
