On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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