I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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