I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
