I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
