I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
