I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
