I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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