I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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